Being a Witch is...

By Katherine
Trying to type a Ritual on the computer and having the cat walk on the keyboard.

Spending six months weaving the most beautiful Altar cloth you can imagine, then having someone spill wine and candle wax on it during it's first Ritual.

Deciding to Work Skyclad because you keep burning your Robe on the Point Candles and Bonfire.

Learning what control really means when you bend over the Altar, Skyclad, and smell burning pubic hair.

Having your christian neighbor ask you if you have been born again, and replying that you have, indeed, been born again... and again and again and again....

Trying to explain to the Realtor why you need an extra bedroom at least nine-feet in diameter.

Then telling that same Realtor that you can't take that perfect house that is so affordable, because the fireplace is in the west instead of the South.

Setting up a Circle in the park and discovering that there is a bee hive nearby.

Loaning your brand new Japanese cherry coffee table to the Coven for an Altar, and watching the Coven joker accidently drive his Athame into the surface.

Doing an outdoor midnight ritual and having the neighbor call the cops, thinking that you're a prowler.

Deciding not to wear your new Horned Helmet to the outdoor Sabbat because it's deer hunting season.

Trying to go home after a skyclad Circle and discovering that the Coven joker has hidden all of the clothes.

Just buying lots of suntan oil instead of spending a fortune on a fancy wardrobe to impress people at church.

Having people tell you that they don't believe in Witches, and responding, "That's OK, I don't believe in christians."

Casting the Circle for the first time and being so proud with yourself for doing it right... then looking down to discover that you're wearing your Robe inside out.

Wondering how to get rid of the result of your latest love spell.

Going to sleep during visualization exercises.

Getting a new familiar... who isn't housebroken.

Realizing that your grammar is not so bad, now that you've read something by Ophiel.

Eleven cops and the sheriff on your doorstep, asking for Initiation.

Reading Aleister Crowley with a straight face.

Working magick every day... just for the hexercise.

Your cat eats the mugwort growing in the window box... and starts having visions.

Being dragged to an outdoor Halloween Sabbat... Skyclad.

Acquiring a reputation after you accidently sat down on the Cauldron.

Having to cut a gate in the Circle to go to the bathroom.

Seeing your past incarnation.. as a postal clerk.

Having to actually try to fit 13 people into a nine foot Circle.

Six bottles of wine under the Altar... with two inches left in each.

Toasting the Goddess so often that you've become a borderline alcoholic.

That sinking sensation you get when you accidently drop your Athame point-down and then notice that you can't move your left foot.

Having a nice Winter Sabbat where your High Priest gets a new Horned Helmet and two minutes later, he gores you in the ass.

Learning never to schedule a Circle on a good TV night.

Having to share the bus stop with 4 born-agains, 6 jesus freaks, 14 Hare Krishnas, 9 moonies, 2 garlic lovers and a Theosophist... none of whom have change for a $20.

Buying an abandoned traffic circle to use as the first drive-in Covenstead.

Spending three months trying to learn Theban because the Book of Shadows that you're copying is written in it.

Trying to convince the police that the baggies that they found were really full of consecrated herbs.

Not being able to banish a spirit because the animal whose shape it assumed is on the endangered species list.

Trying to remember the combination of herbs that turned your tea strainer into gold.

Explaining to the doctor how your Athame slipped from your hand and stuck into your foot.

Having a christian Realtor list your house- "Owner pays closing, buyer pays exorcist."

Explaining to the school principal that your child could not have possibly been the one who changed the teacher into a frog since she isn't Initiated to a Degree that permits her to do such spells.

Explaining to your boss that you have to leave early on October 31 because it is "a day of holy obligation."

Discovering that you engraved your Athame with the wrong symbols.

Falling to the ground after a wild dance and sitting skyclad on a bee.

Spending all Spring cleaning out the back yard for an Outdoor Beltane Circle... and then a bunch of jesus freaks move in next door.

Constantly being asked why your 'jewish star' only has five points.

The knowledge that, no matter what, you are right where you should be.

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